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Of the softest things in the world,
Nothing is softer than water.
Any hard objects in the way
Will be defeated by water.
Water never changes.
Hence soft defeats hard
Weak defeats strong.
Everyone knows this
But few practise it.

from Lao Tzu's Tao Te Ching (my prefered translation of Section 78)

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a picture taken about a month or so ago of a rather stiff and nervous me with Rob and Sarah's new daughter Holly

Northern Lights * * *

Northern Lights by Philip Pullman
ok but i was rather disappointed since it was recommended by a friend with very good taste

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i'm doing a sponsored swim
click here

Medication Time

It's weird how psychosis can creep up on u. It's always there -- it never goes away -- i know that certain trains of thought are crazy and deluded but i try and manage my psychosis -- most of the time I think I know what is real and what isn't. Today I called a halt. It's not too bad -- increasing my medication should sort it out. I didn't fully appreciate how bad I was but today a lot of the age old fears, paranoias and delusions came rushing back. I feel a little broken but I've been a lot worse and recovered survived. It was all going on in my head and I don't think it would be obvious to anybody else but I even after I took an extra dose of meds and went swimming. I had the fear -- I had trouble functioning -- I had trouble just looking at people and then a pretty girl started talking to me and that was nice and for a moment the fear receded and there was a certain calm but slowly the fear and the spinning thoughts came back.
So I'm going back on a higher dosage for the foreseeable future I think rather than just a day or a week. Hopefully ... now the healer time.

Battle Royale * * * / * * * *

Battle Royale by Koushun Takami
cool (I'd seen the film so I knew what to expect and the film is more or less faithful to the book)
enjoyable if a little macabre

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I saw a sight on the way home from swimming that painted a whole drama in my head. A 50 something well to do man in a posh car holding both hands of a woman and talking and smiling the day after Valenines. They're having an affair and couldn't meet yesterday, both have partners and possibly children at home so they meet up to have a brief encounter in a dark secluded suburban street. Sad, tawdry, melancholy, beautiful, human.
I have a moral opinion but I also know we are all weak, flawed creatures. There is sure to be passion, romance, guilt, pain, anger. People who have maybe reached a certain age and asked is this all it has to offer. Is this my allotted share? Am I happy? Did they seek it or where they swept away or more likely a mixture of both?
There will be repercussions but then life is a brave journey.

The Wee Free Men * * * / * * * *

The Wee Free Men by Terry Pratchett
supposedly a children's Discworld novel
i delayed reading it because it was a children's novel rather than read it straight away as I normally would with a Pratchett novel which is a shame because it's rather fun

Resplendent * * * / * * * *

Resplendent by Stephen Baxter
a series of short stories rather than the novel I was expecting
not kick ass but enjoyable

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i feel small, sharp and fragile like a shard/a sliver of glass
hello Charles VI of France (not quite but sort of)

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just seen "Mulholland Drive"
wtf