yakiba

2009-09-06T09:02:00.001-07:00

blog moved again
stupid spam and site crackers

domain change

2009-03-04T08:56:00.000-08:00

excellent new webhost all sorted after messing about for about 2 months

on hold

2009-02-17T10:08:00.000-08:00

the blog is currently on hold whilst I transfer to a new webhost

2008-12-28T07:00:00.000-08:00

Leonard Cohen - Hallelujah

2008-12-19T13:24:00.000-08:00

Now I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you
To a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

You say I took the name in vain
I don't even know the name
But if I did, well really, what's it to you?
There's a blaze of light
In every word
It doesn't matter which you heard
The holy or the broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

I did my best, it wasn't much
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you
And even though
It all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Baby, I've been here before.
I know this room, I've walked this floor.
I used to live alone before I knew you.

Yeah I've seen your flag on the marble arch,
But listen, love is not some kind of victory march,
No it's a cold and it's a very broken Hallelujah.

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, (Hallelujah...)

There was a time you let me know
What's really going on below,
Ah but now you never show it to me, do you?

Yeah but I remember, yeah when I moved in you,
And the holy dove, she was moving too,
Yes every single breath that we drew was Hallelujah.

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah.

Maybe there's a God above,
As for me, all I've ever seemed to learn from love
Is how to shoot at someone who outdrew you.

Yeah but it's not a complaint that you hear tonight,
It's not the laughter of someone who claims to have seen the light
No it's a cold and it's a very lonely Hallelujah.

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah.

I did my best, it wasn't much.
I couldn't feel, so I learned to touch.
I've told the truth, I didn't come all this way to fool you.

Yeah even though it all went wrong
I'll stand right here before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my lips but Hallelujah.

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah.
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah.

President-Elect Obama

2008-11-04T20:36:00.000-08:00

Wow a truly historic night

I'm relieved, pleased and quietly jubilant

jason

2008-10-18T03:48:00.000-07:00

and bizarrely this week i have managed to track my mate down after not being in contact for about 14 years

old friends

2008-10-15T06:29:00.000-07:00

i still want to track down my best mate at uni Jason Ward

jason where r u?

just do it

2008-09-22T06:46:00.000-07:00

I need to get on with my ou work and my microsoft studies but I have that horrible avoidance paralysis I get

rain

2008-09-05T09:55:00.000-07:00

rain rain rain

early autumn september bleh weather

i have no energy and no motivation

dream

2008-08-29T03:58:00.000-07:00

I dreamt a science fiction dreamscape again -- this time a post apocalypse flooded J G Ballard type nature and crumbling concrete combined with Neuromancer decayed high tech complete with cyber attack dogs all stainless steel, pistons and rip your throat out power Doberman style - I looked one in the eye just as it was growling in my face

2008-07-06T06:52:00.000-07:00

having a look at Bob Mould's blog I was pleased and a little surprised to read Bob talking about how My Bloody Valentine were an influence on him (and that he would be on the same bill as them at a NY festival). Thanks to Dave Dhonau for the news that they'd reformed and thanks to Wendy Knight and Jason Ward for making me a fan back in the early 90's and my then girlfriend Julie Franks - who was more of a fan than me - for sorting out the tickets so we saw them play at the Institute in Birmingham, an awesome gig (even if I did freak out at one point - the distortion and feedback - started to fuck with my head and I had to go to the back to chill nevertheless they were fantastic).

Joan Armatrading - Love and Affection

2008-07-06T06:19:00.000-07:00

I am not in love
But I'm open to persuasion
East or West
Where's the best
For romancing

With a friend
I can smile
But with a lover
I could roll my head back
I could really laugh
Really laugh

Thank you
You took me dancing
'Cross the floor
Cheek to cheek
But with a lover
I could really move
Really move
I could really dance
Really dance
Really dance
Really dance
I could really move
Really move
Really move
Really move

Now if I can feel the sun
In my eyes
And the rain on my face
Why can't I
Feel love ?

I can really love
Really love
Really love
Really love
Really love
Love love love love
Love love love love

Now I got all
The friends that I want
I may need more
But I shall just stick to those
That I have got
With friends I still feel
So insecure

Little darling I believe you could
Help me a lot
Just take my hand
And lead me where you will
No conversation
No wave goodnight
Just make love
With affection

Sing me another love song
But this time
With a little dedication
Sing it, sing it
You know that's what I like
Once more with feeling
Give me love
Give me love
Give me love
Love...

{Sax solo

RIP Esbjorn Svensson

2008-06-15T14:38:00.000-07:00

I'm sad to hear of the loss of Esbjorn Svensson

starts from if?

2008-05-22T03:42:00.000-07:00

If world could fall down,

I'll be your mirror by Lou Reed (Velvet Underground song)

2008-05-14T06:15:00.000-07:00

I'll be your mirror
Reflect what you are, in case you don't know
I'll be the wind, the rain and the sunset
The light on your door to show that you're home

When you think the night has seen your mind
That inside you're twisted and unkind
Let me stand to show that you are blind
Please put down your hands
cause I see you

I find it hard to believe you don't know
The beauty that you are
But if you don't let me be your eyes
A hand in your darkness, so you won't be afraid

When you think the night has seen your mind
That inside you're twisted and unkind
Let me stand to show that you are blind
Please put down your hands
cause I see you

some thoughts on art

2008-05-05T22:44:00.000-07:00

there is good art and bad art
art is about manipulation and control

art is stimulus and response and the aim of art is about creating a near uniform set of responses across the broadest range of people and in a consequently large number of people across a long range of time

a joke a laugh
trying to evoke a response
good art exists in the same way some jokes do make you laugh
the joke is designed and timed to elicit a particular response and sometimes it succeeds in eliciting a particular response - the response varies in magnitude

some jokes are better than others in making more people -- simple quantity -- a more diverse range -- black/white male/female straight/gay able/disabled cultural backgrounds intellectual backgrounds etc etc laugh
then as an artist create in the audience
awe
wonder
horror
fear
tears
laughter
contemplation

intentional fallacy you can't know what the artist intended to evoke (you can often in practice have a fair idea but it's not provable)
can you measure whether a particular work consistently elicits the same response or series of responses

an emotional/intellectual journey varying balances of the two between artists -- popular art - cerebral art - pop idol and TS Eliot (i like neither of my two examples of the extremities)

shakespeare survives accusations that the emperor wears no clothes -- people say it and i look and i see substance
his art survives the sniping - i think justly
little nell

breaking the spell
changing the dynamic by saying actually that joke isn't funny because of a b and c this can change the dynamic and we see the joke or the piece of art in a new perspective --- will it survive the scutiny --- is it sexist or is it funny ? is the piece of art deep and meaningful or pretensious -- sweet or saccarine -- moving or risable -- do i feel manipulated (little nell) i'm not watching the puppet show i'm watching the strings -- the spell is broken and i've lost that suspension of disbelief!!

bonding experience of being taken on the same emotional journey
i believe sometimes my taste is wrong yet inevitably i believe i have good taste yet i know that good taste, almost certainly, isn't quantifiable

i believe few people have really good taste

and nobody has perfect taste

nobody can consistantly be right in their judgement of what is good and bad art

do i believe that my taste is an accurate measure of good art? no

do i believe good art and bad art exists? yes - some jokes make no one laugh similarly some art fails

is good taste the same as my taste? no -- i have no way of measuring the accuracy of my taste -- good taste is the ability to recognise good art from bad
i don't believe that i always do that

do i believe that my taste is better than others? better than some and worse than others and again no way of measuring -- no independent yardsticks -- i have no way of knowing if my taste is ever better than another person's either in general and certainly never on a case by case basis but as a response to stimuli my responses are as valid as anyone's but what weight they might be given by any objective criteria is quite beyond me to tell

why do i esteem the taste of certain people? breadth of knowledge breadth of feeling breadth of backgrounds (oh dangerous yet...): and the depth of these same

fashion and taste interact but eventually great art transcends fashion

taste is partly a bonding process -- we share -- we compare -- and often we may reevalute certain works of art based on interactions -- someone whose opinion i value values a particular work of art which causes me to reassess my opinion -- i go back -- i look harder -- what am i missing??
sometimes i look again and change my mind -- sometimes if enough people whose opinion i esteem tell me something is good and after looking at it again repeatedly i still don't feel/see it then i conclude the abberation is in me

great art transcends manipulation because of truth
it creates a handshake protocol between artist and audience -- a moment of zen -- an epiphany -- catharsis

creating great art is not about seeking to control and manipulate
great art is about truth not ego

the suspension of disbelief is a bond of trust

the artist speaks to your soul and through honesty you learn to trust them -- show me beauty -- show me how this feels or that feels -- weave a web -- create a dance -- take me on a journey through our souls -- lies shout in art like a racist joke -- sometimes we see them straight away and sometimes we need them revealed to us by the child saying the emperor is wearing no clothes but once we see -- the joke isn't funny -- the belief is gone -- the magic vanishes -- the dream is interrupted -- the veil falls from our eyes -- the bond of trust vanishes

2008-04-27T22:48:00.000-07:00

wtf i'm crazy

but it still annoys me that i'm obsessed by a girl i haven't seen for more than a year

i can't get her out of my head

i go out quite alot - meet all sorts of women - chat, have a laugh- yet she is the one i quite literally dream about

but it's just a delusion and i don't think she'd call me more than an acquaintance - i'm a fucking twat and it pisses me off

i take my medication and i don't bother her cause i know it's fucked and crazy and yet i miss her and want to see her but i don't want to inflict my insanity on her

she's beautiful and vulnerable and she wrenches at something deep inside me

she's the most intuitively perceptive woman i know

she's Diana Villiers to me

she's almost a fictional character - i barely know her - a myth of love - an indulgence - an object of desire to pine for from a safe distance where because i don't scare her unduly she never fully rejects me and yet it's painful and lonely

it's all rather stalker like and yet i have no delusions that i mean anything in particular to her

she knows something of the situation

i appreciate her tolerance

she snapped me out of the last obsession

why do i have this need to fixate

is it just another symptom of my poor mental health

but at least i have enough insight to realize that the feelings aren't reciprocated and to be like a loyal fan but not an out and out stalker - i leave her be and respect her space - i don't inundate her with messages of undying love or threats (i certainly don't believe my insanity would reach the stage of turning malignant but i'm not unaware of the possibilities of psychosis)

dream

2008-04-07T05:51:00.000-07:00

i had a dream last night that i was fighting in a combat platoon in France (well it was countryside) we were in an exposed position and withdrew to an even more exposed position -- the enemy was approaching -- i started firing at a machine gun and then my hand hurt and i was collapsing and i suddenly realised my hand was in front of me and that a bullet must have gone through my hand first before going through my chest and that this was it.

2008-04-03T12:00:00.000-07:00

rather overdue for a post

and some books need to go on - not that anyone else cares - but i ought to update my little corner

2008-02-12T00:31:00.000-08:00

dreamt about the Doors song Peace Frog and had to download it

There's blood in the streets it's up to my ankles,
Blood in the streets it's up to my knee;
Blood in the streets of the town of Chicago,
Blood on the rise, it's following me,
Just about the break of day
She came, then she drove away, sunlight in her hair

Blood on the streets runs a river of sadness
Blood in the streets, it's up to my thigh
The river runs down the legs of the city;
The women are crying red rivers of weeping
She came in town and then she drove away,
sunlight in her hair

Indians scattered on dawn's highway
Bleeding ghosts crowd the young child's fragile
Egg-shell mind

Blood in the streets of the town of New Haven;
Blood stains the roofs and the palm trees of Venice
Blood in my love in the terrible summer;
Bloody red sun of fantastic L.A.
Blood screams her brain as the chop off her fingers
Blood will be born in the birth of a nation;
Blood is the rose of mysterious union

There's blood in the streets it's up to my ankles
Blood in the streets it's up to my knee;
Blood in the streets of the town of Chicago,
Blood on the rise, it's following me

Matter * * * *

2008-02-11T10:36:00.000-08:00

Matter by Iain M Banks

a Cuture novel which ripens as it unfolds - the finale is a triumph

SPOILER AFTER CUT

a page turner
i though ok a bit of Don Quixote and a bit of Hamlet but enjoyable yet so far so conventional and then the end and Iain Banks does a sort of narrative shimmy and [yes me like] the end is the quality Iain Banks standing up
Ferbin dead
Anaplian dead [back-up revived but data lost]
Holse our Sancho Panza a rewarded Culture hero, (Holse as Samwise??) everyman

what is Iain Banks saying about our culture? the teleology is in a sense the restoration of the rightful ruler - the common man Holse - a message of democracy - so not a radical book but it unfolds nicely and to shimmy from Hamlet and the murder of the king, the meme of seeking justice to the establishment of democracy is really cool. It seems to me to be a nice memetic mix of narratives.

Brasyl * * * / * * * *

2008-02-11T10:13:00.000-08:00

Brasyl by Ian McDonald

an enjoyable read

SPOILER AFTER CUT

it was good but the plot motif that the many quantum worlds is because it's all running on a quantum computer in the deep cold at the end of time just struck me, perhaps unfairly, as something from Stephen Baxter and a bit tired

karen's site

2008-01-31T04:15:00.000-08:00

my mate karen's new bridal jewellery site

2008-01-26T13:44:00.000-08:00

pagination fixed but posts still missing