staying still and focusing on my breath,
not chasing happiness
but rather letting peace find me

sometimes I feel lost,
a spell of disorientation,
that I have learnt can be survived.
I breathe and recollect myself,
then take the next step.

I am angry with the ocean
because it does not love me.
It rises and falls
and the waves break on the shore,
ignoring me; regardless, I walk alone.

there is a darkness in me
that looks to you for light
but that is an illusion
and I must nurture my own self
and appreciate me (for being me)

I must dive in the river
and swim in sunlight,
washing myself clean.
Breathe in the early morning light
and exhale my blues and delusions.
The Siren song I imagine eats at me
yet the cancer in my mind
can be controlled.
It will always remain, I believe,
and I will feel the gravity and orbit
you silently.
I cannot entirely break free
but I can swim in the river.
The phases of the moon.
The dance of photons from Andromeda.
Distant stars.
Stellar objects.
You.

my mind is falling
through the tumbling/turbulent water.
It swirls and swings until,
hitting the riverbed,
it begins to settle,
away from the storm above.
My thoughts begin to clear
and I find peace.

my heart breaks
and I give away the pieces
wrapped in ink

when the darkness comes
acknowledge it but do not live in it.
The night will pass.

I feel the undertow pulling at me
and I must swim,
I must feel.
The pain is an old acquaintance:
we are not in love.
The water flows over my skin
and I feel isolated and the touch of panic.
I swim on: fighting, experiencing;
and the water flows over my skin.
I am alive.