whiskers on kittens
John Coltrane playing

when I am feeling

the blood rushing
and anxiety slicing
depression gravity
the inertia
the weight

I think
I visualise
I meditate
I wait

Today
Tomorrow
The pool will clear

repeat
repeat

go to work
survive the day
or stay at home
survive the pain

Today
Tomorrow
The pool will clear

watch the plants
watch the sky
watch the paint
watch the autumn light rise and fall
like breathing
like ripples
the undulations and punctuation of time
mark the rhythms
scar life

ska dance
my friend died of cancer too young
Life rolls on
and sometimes feels like an Auschwitz train
we can't believe the destination
break
break
break

ska dance
breathe
move

whiskers on kittens

An autumnal day
grey clouds and drops of silver
dangling from leaves - swing
in the air, holding on, light
dances - photons from our sun

gravitational wells
the thoughts I return to again and again
float in space
ride the currents
leave behind the obsessions
dance on daylight
fail
I return to you
looking for glitter
see the light
see the light
embrace the madness
and release
the Zen teachings on impermanence
my failures are not forever
today I am a cloud
one day rain
let the thoughts wash away

I see a footprint on the Moon
I see erosion
Micrometeorites
Time wins
Blast
Smile
Little waves across the universe
I am nobody
I wear a mask
Noh theatre?
Or naked and full of ghosts?
Blast, trying to be clever
Smile, little thoughts

Grief
I return
I fail
Voyager travelling out from the Sun
I sense you
But I am a creature of the Goldilocks zone
Earth is my warm, blue home

Gravity

I give up
I give up myself to love,
kindness, quiet mornings with coffee,
books and music,
nurturing my chilli seedlings,
walking to work and seeing the changing seasons.
I surrender
and let go.

light plays
and shadows dance
to the melody

I thought about writing a love letter
but it felt silly
I am not really sure how I feel
let alone certain that it is love
I tolerate myself
but love?
So I abandoned the idea
and decided
to try and just be my friend.

I am the river.
I am the pebble, on the river bed.
I am the water.
I am the flow.
Change.

I am alive between the silences.
The silence before birth and after death.
Now the window is open and I listen
to the birds and the hissing radiator.
Traffic murmurs in the distance
(the flow)
seconds pass.
There is stillness.
There is birdsong.
By increments the day brightens towards sunrise.
I am the pebble.
I am the blood.
I am the platelet.
I am the herringbone sky.