abseil into the darkness
to face my mind and be alone with it -
supported by a thin rope -
I dangle in the cave of my thoughts -
alone inside my skull -
I focus on my breath -
I try to remember my practice -
I let go -
I am alive
in the here and now

I do not fly
I do not fall
I am held by the air moving in and out of my lungs
I am held by the days and days of practice
I am held by the teaching of the masters - generations upon generations
Buddhas and sadhus
Men and women hold me with their wisdom
the wild mind may settle
or may not
I may sense the lotus
or I may not
I hang by a rope
an alarm sounds
Eyes open
the blue sky and clouds

I once planned to commit suicide by hanging myself -
I gave the rope away
and now I have nothing but the air moving in and out
a different kind of hope
it holds me