gravitational wells
the thoughts I return to again and again
float in space
ride the currents
leave behind the obsessions
dance on daylight
fail
I return to you
looking for glitter
see the light
see the light
embrace the madness
and release
the Zen teachings on impermanence
my failures are not forever
today I am a cloud
one day rain
let the thoughts wash away

I see a footprint on the Moon
I see erosion
Micrometeorites
Time wins
Blast
Smile
Little waves across the universe
I am nobody
I wear a mask
Noh theatre?
Or naked and full of ghosts?
Blast, trying to be clever
Smile, little thoughts

Grief
I return
I fail
Voyager travelling out from the Sun
I sense you
But I am a creature of the Goldilocks zone
Earth is my warm, blue home

Gravity

I give up
I give up myself to love,
kindness, quiet mornings with coffee,
books and music,
nurturing my chilli seedlings,
walking to work and seeing the changing seasons.
I surrender
and let go.

light plays
and shadows dance
to the melody

I thought about writing a love letter
but it felt silly
I am not really sure how I feel
let alone certain that it is love
I tolerate myself
but love?
So I abandoned the idea
and decided
to try and just be my friend.

I am the river.
I am the pebble, on the river bed.
I am the water.
I am the flow.
Change.

I am alive between the silences.
The silence before birth and after death.
Now the window is open and I listen
to the birds and the hissing radiator.
Traffic murmurs in the distance
(the flow)
seconds pass.
There is stillness.
There is birdsong.
By increments the day brightens towards sunrise.
I am the pebble.
I am the blood.
I am the platelet.
I am the herringbone sky.

I have lain on the floor knowing I was beat
melting and relaxing into defeat,
the blue tiles absorbing my failure.
I found eventually that I was cold
and I picked myself up.

Winter
Spring
circles

the vernal equinox has passed
light grows and the plants in my window
bud and leaf
fern fronds uncurl
I have chilli seeds ready for planting

I have lain on the floor
on the blue suicide tiles

I have been silent

move slowly
heal
bud and leaf

I bow to the East
I bow to the West
I bow to the Sun, the Moon and the rest
I bow to thee
and then I am still
and try to find the courage
to show the same respect to me

I lower my gaze
then shut my eyes
and breathe

him:love
her:is it?
him:obsession?
her:now you're talking.
him:unrequited love
her:too often a posh way of saying stalking. Learn to listen to the No.
him:
her:better

I remember
I remember
Rockin' and Rollin'
to Hüsker Dü and MBV
I remember
I remember
Being 13 maybe 14
in a dark garage
standing on an upended suitcase
with electrical cable tied around my neck
Rockin' and Rollin'
Gathering my courage
I jumped and the cable snapped
Now I am Rockin' and Rollin'
with memories crowding in on me
I remember the handprint she made
on the student halls wall
her period blood mixed with my cum
I remember
I remember
Rockin' and Rollin'
movie quotes
and song lyric fragments
explode - fireworks and mortar shells -
wash up on the beach
and now I can't sleep

unwind
unwind
let the clock drift like a raft

pardon me for being a fool
pardon me for not stepping back
I said the words I can't retract
it is dark without you

I see no dawn ahead
I must learn to live again
to slowly uncurl my fern frond heart
and stretch towards Spring

my love for you is locked deep in my heart
I must take the key
and let it free
to fly
to fly
and let me be
complete
in the knowledge
that you don't love me
and that's OK
I release myself
from a prison I made myself
in myself
be free and fly

my feelings for you
are perhaps just psychotic residue
that slowly burns away
in the light of reality
and yet yet yet
I
you
I cannot see

Let the dew burn away this morning

I stand in the ruins of our friendship
and survey the wreckage
I measure the memories
from 20 plus years
gone down the shitter
if if if
if I hadn't been such a twat

too late

I am a man in black
the colour in my world
is other people
slowly this is changing
I am wearing rainbow socks

Lightly lightly
Meditate gently and softly
Like a small candle
Flickering

euterpe

listen and find the music of life
it plays in the clouds and the blue sky
it plays in her eyes and the way I feel when I just let go
it plays on gentle mornings as the dawn rises
it plays when I sit with friends
it plays as I wait for the seeds to germinate
now dance
now sing

the rigid order
decomposes into moss,
maples: embroidered

It is 6.30 in the morning
and I have work to do.
I must sit in silence
and face my despair.
Finally, after several days,
I am ready.

America drunk on nationalism
Dazzled by a loudmouth
but the sobering will come
Its own before and after Nurembergs
The rally then trials

a treat
a day off work
I retreat into books and tv
cosy inside
outside a storm rages

I meditate
have coffee
knit
time like chocolate
peace